Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Politically Correct way to tell someone that you're staring at their ass.

Okay!  So I'm standing in line to get my coffee this morning and there's a rather striking looking Latina in line in front of me.  I somehow managed to notice that her Metro-rail pass is about to fall out of her back pocket. 
 
I am faced with a serious dilemma.  If I tell her that her metro pass is about to fall out of her pocket, it will be EXTREMELY obvious that I've been staring at her ass.  If I don't tell her, she could lose her pass and it could be a real hardship for her.  It wasn't just a metro card, it was one of the passes that give you lots of access and is paid for by your employer.  Those things are valuable and a pain to replace. 
 
I continued to stare at metro card for a while longer (the line was suprisingly long for 7:15am) while I tried to decide what to do. 
 
In the end, I turned to the woman behind me and asked her if she could tell this Latina that her Metro pass was about to fall out of her pocket.  That worked out great!  The Latina chick now thinks that the woman behind me is a perv, and the woman behind me thinks I'm a perv.  No-one is going to believe the woman behind me if she tells them that I was staring at this other woman's but because she is the one that acted on her perverted thoughs. Not me. :D 
 
It all worked out well in the end. 
 
Love,
 
Pete

Monday, July 30, 2007

I am Alpha Cat (Part 2)

You may remember a post back in May about me establishing myself as Alpha cat in our household.  When we were gone for 2 weeks in Europe, I thought that Mao would re-establish his status as alpha cat.  It didn't really happen though.  I came home and moved right back into my top cat status.
 
Over the last week or so, he has been trying to assert his dominance.  He's been misbehaving, beating up his sister and generally being a naughty cat.  I needed to assert my alpha status again. 
 
When he does something that he thinks is worthy of demonstrating his alpha cat status, he rubs his face against some stationary item in the house to get his scent on it and mark it as under his ownership.  I decided that just scolding him and locking him in the basement when he misbehaves isn't enough.  I need to establish my ownership of the house. 
 
Whenever I do something that I think is worthy of being alpha cat, I then rub my face, neck and sometimes armpits on some stationary household item near where I am.  This got an immediate reaction from Mao.  He came right up and rubbed on the thing that I just claimed as my own.  I rubbed again and when he went to rub on it, I scared him away. 
 
After doing this for 2 days, he actually started recognizing me as alpha cat.  Truly weird. 
 
I took this a step farther and decided that when he's bad, I need to mark him as my property.  You can't imagine how loud Laura laughed when she walked into the sun room to see me rubbing the cat under my armpit.  Mao didn't think it was so funny.  He kinda ran away to take a bath. 
 
It is a good thing to be king. :D
 
Love,
 
Pete