The Code of Silence: Volume 2

I can't believe I'm back here again.  Just when I think I've progressed beyond toilet humor in my blog (and moved on to pirates, transvestites and farm animals), I'm right back there. 

 

All of the things related in this entry took place at an undisclosed location.  The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

 

I've written a time or two about the code of silence when you're in a public restroom.  American men are just not chatty when they're pissing or taking a crap. It doesn't actually bother me to be chatty, but I have found that pretty much everyone else that I've ever encountered in a restroom generally don't start chatting until the zipper is zipped up.  Occasionally they'll even wait for the belt to be buckled.  Sometimes not until you're out of the bathroom entirely. 

 

So I'm standing at a urinal and doing what a guy does while standing in front of a urinal when I hear a voice behind me. 

 

The Voice:  "Pete.  Have you lost weight?"  (It is coming from the bathroom stall immediately behind me.)

 

Me being me, I have to be a smartass.

 

Me (Still peeing):  "Well I am right now."

 

The Voice:  "Hahahaha... No.  I was talking about in the time that we've known each other."  (I still don't know who this is for sure, but I'm getting some clues).

 

Me(Still peeing): "Gosh, how long have we known each other?"  (Hoping he throws me a lifeline here.... a figurative one.  There's no need to break the code of contact (another topic for another day)).

 

The Voice:  "Its been *pause* about 2 years or so."  (The pause was punctuated by sounds that you might imagine coming from a bathroom stall).

 

Me (I really had to go bad... I'm still peeing):  "I guess I've lost about 25 pounds in that amount of time."

 

The Voice:  "You look good man.  You don't have that hollowed out face look that some people get when they lose too much weight."

 

Me (Finishing up and trying to do so quickly -- I remember the last time this happened and the awkwardness that arose from a proffered handshake before hands were washed):  "Uhhmmmm Thanks."

 

The Voice: "Do you feel the difference?"

 

Me (Done, zipped up and getting ready to wash my hands): "I do every time I get low in the pants drawer and all I've got are old ones." (Dispensing towels and heading to the door).  "See you later."

 

The Voice:  "Nice *pause with other sounds* talking to you."

 

That was the end of that.  You know, I don't honestly feel that additional commentary is necessary.  This conversation speaks for itself. 

 

Have a nice day!

 

Pete