Embracing my whiteness.

For a bunch of reasons this week, I was given the opportunity to better understand what it means to be a white man in America. Asside from my complete inability to jump, dance or look cool, I do have some things going for me. Probably the most important of those things is Mayonnaise. I've often joked about the white, semi-gelatinous condiment, but I'm beginning to really understand what a truly misunderstood substance mayonnaise is.

I'll let you explore these sites and I'm sure you'll agree, now is a thrilling time to be white and eating mayonnaise. Please right click and open in another window if you want to follow the rolling comentary on each site. I know you'll want to come back for more.

Mayo Connections
How can you go wrong with a web site called "mayonet.com"???? Not only do you get some very interesting history of mayonnaise, but you also get a recipe for making your own mayonnaise. We'll get back to that in a moment or two. Most imporantly, this web site documents the many amazing influences that mayonnaise has had on our life, from the Mayo Clinic to Cinco de Mayo.

Now the French are completely confused and disoriented by American mayonnaise. In France, mayo doesn't come from a jar, taste horrible or make the ultimate projectile in a food fight. (Well the last one is pretty universal I think) ;) Mayonnaise is made fresh with good olive oil, eggs, spices and lemon juice. It tastes completely different, dare I say good? They also use it in much more reasonable quantities than Americans do... but then that's just part of being an American. Why use a little when you can use a lot???

The World of Mayonnaise
I'll just quote the tag line on this web site. You can enjoy surfing it and make your own conclusions. "Welcome to the World of Mayonnaise 2002 - The Best Reason to Own a Mouth." Definitely don't miss the Gallery. It is worth the price of admission.

Spectre Family Web Site
Finally, another family of white people who fully embrace and adore the ambrosia of the white bred (and bread) world!!! They point out some great facts about mayonnaise... including that the Titanic went down with about 12,000 jars of the stuff on board. Coincidence? I think not! Those pesky Britts were so intent on keeping the wonders of mayo from the colonies that they sacrificed the lives of those aboard in order to keep it from our shores. And to think the popular theory of the great cruise ship's sinking still revolves around that flimsy iceberg theory. We'll get to the bottom of this conspiracy eventually.

NOMAYO.com
Obviously the US Department of Homeland Security is onto this guy. He won't last long. Ketchup? Soy Sauce? Mustard? Salsa? We can see which way his tree leans. He's obviously a subversive crackpot WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH HIS TIME!!!!!!!! (Unlike us, right?)

The History of Mayonnaise
Finally an unbiased and realistic site that takes a good, long look at the world-wide impact that mayonnaise has had on the universe as a whole.

Why I hate Mayonnaise
Another crackpot. This guy thinks that just because he can draw a cute cartoon, he has the right to slam an American institution as important as Baseball, Apple Pie and Mom. (People didn't have Mom's before 1776?)

If you've made it this far in this blog entry, I think you really need to have your priorities examined. Don't worry. You'll learn. When I get going on a topic like this, the best thing is to just turn off the computer and go for a nice, long bike ride. Please do yourself a favor and spend some quality time with family or loved ones. Life is way too short for this kind of shit. ;)

Have a nice day.

Pete