Finally found Jason's Kryptonite....

I've got to be true to myself. That is always the most important thing. It is in my nature to be hateful and demeaning to everyone that I call "friend".

With that in mind, I've been searching for that certain special combination of things that cause Jason to freak out, tremble in fear or just break down and cry like a little girl.

The jingle bells on the single speed were a good start. Even if I can't keep up with him on the climbs, I'm usually able to stay *just* close enough so that he can hear them in the background. On those 1 in a million rides where I can actually catch up to him on a climb, I get the added bonus of him freaking out because they're closing in on him.... stalking him... slowly driving him insane. Since I am only able to catch him on a climb when he's having a really bad day and is hurting, the damage inflicted by the bells is even more effective.

I really needed to take this abuse to the next level. There really is only one set of conditions in which I can actually keep up with Jason. I finally found that magic substance that when Jason is in its presence, it saps him of both his morale and his obvious aerobic and muscular advantage. What is the kryptonite that I talk of???

SNOW!!!!

I knew something was up when I told him about the weather report yesterday. He let loose a string of obsceneties that would make a sailor proud. This morning he sent me an SMS with even more nasty things in it because I somehow caused this snow storm to descend upon the DC area.

Just to make sure he didn't wimp out, I pretended to be a nice guy and say that I had all the parts he needed to finish the bike project he's working on. I played like I was being a good friend and that I'd work with him on installing it in my shop after the ride tonight. It sounds like a nice thing to do... But it was really malicious and devious of me. My sole purpose was to make it so he *had* to come out and ride in the snow. I dropped subtle hins like "Its okay if you don't make the ride... we'll still work on your bike at my place after." I've found that if I'm outwardly a jerk about riding and tell J that he's a wimp for skipping rides, he just blows me off. If I use "double reverse psychology" on him and tell him that its cool if he misses a ride now and then, it totally freaks him out. I come off looking like a cool guy and a good friend, and he gets suckered into riding when he otherwise wouldn't go out. It works every time.

So tonight's ride in 5-8" of new snow (11" by morning) is specifically dedicated to Superman... Enjoy the kryptonite ride. The Voodoo Queen and I will be there to witness your triumph over evil.

Fondly,

Pete

PS. Please disregard everything in this post except this line. I'm a sarcastic bastard if nothing else.